luckypaperstars:

A guided tour of Jen Aniston’s new house, narrated by her best friend: me.

1. Jen plants a tree every time InTouch claims she’s pregnant on their cover. None of the trees have sprouted babies — yet.

2. After a few margs with the ladies, Jen likes to belt out “I’ll Be There for You” while Courtney plays the piano. Also, you can afford to have all white furniture when your only baby is your haircut.

3. Jen designed this bedroom after reading in Vanity Fair that Angelina’s boudoir is all black everything.

4. Jen loves to relax in the library while perusing her leatherbound issues of UsWeekly.

5. This TV only gets OWN.

6. This is the perfect dining room table for drinking SmartWater and that’s it, that’s all, done.

7. So many bubble baths, y’all.

8. Jen keeps a memorial chaise lounge for each of her celebrity boyfriends, like reclining Elijahs. The one with no shade is for John Mayer, because that dude provides all the shade himself. YA BURNT.

9. Jen likes to joke that these ladies are in a Mexican Standoff. If you push her on what she means by that, then her face goes eerily dark.

10. Aniston Vineyards should be opening in early 2013, selling bottles of “Marley and Merlot” and “Along Came Chardonnay.”